Today's my thirty-eighth birthday and I'm not really feeling it. Ask the children my age they'll tell you I'm really old, hundred's of years ago I would have been considered 'old' but today 38 is just a number. I'm reminded everyday that there's women just starting their families at my age, some people are travelling for the first time, others are starting new careers and some are watching there children move onto adulthood. If you'd asked me when I was in my 20's what I'd be doing at this age, being at home full-time with children wouldn't have been my only answer.
I always wanted children and I wanted to raise them but I also wanted to have the ability to work from home while I raised the children. I've come to realise in the last few years that I probably should have planned my life out a little more, planned more holidays, taken more trips with the children just so we could explore things, learnt to dance, taken up knitting, done a short course, searched out beautiful antiques and started doing more crafty hobbies. One thing I've come to realise is that I'm my happiest when I'm helping others, so coming up with an endless list of things to cross off a bucket list before my next birthday won't make me any happier.
My focus is my children, our family and as a twenty-five year old I wasn't mature enough to know what I'd need to be doing as a mother or a wife. I now know that I need to focus on showing my children how I love them, playing games with them, making them laugh or smile but most importantly doing things with them or for them to show them that I'm here. I want to be present in their lives, I want to share things with them and enjoy their joy, their loves and their sorrow. I want to more than just their mum I want their love, understanding and respect. This year I'm going to try and make them smile more, laugh more and I'm going to cuddle them more.
Speaking of children I'm in the process of planning my son's eighth birthday party. This year we are inviting a few children over to the house for a STAR WARS party and I can tell you that Caelan is beyond excited. He can't wait. The best part so far has been listening to him talk endlessly about all the characters he likes, he's helped me name the food we'll be having, he's helping think up things to do while the kid's are here and he's counting down the day's until the invitations get handed out.
I'm not showing him everything, I want to have a few surprises on the day so that he has to smile even wider. Tomorrow I'll show you the finished birthday invitations, were I found all my supplies and what other things I need to cross off my list.
May the force be with you....